And the Mentally Ill Invade Middleearth
by Andreah
Summary: Yes, this is a 'girl falls into middleeath' kind of thing, but this girl's different! I mean, how many girls in Middleearth have ADD? CHAPTER FIVE IS UP! Please RR
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: If I owned whatever I'm about to write about, I wouldn't have used this disclaimer, would I? **_ENJOY!!!!!_** ^_^

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Chapter one: _TAKE YOUR DEXEDRINE!!_

Lexiss solomnly pulled her long, light brown hair out of her face, and tied it back with a hair tie. She turned to look at herself in the mirror. She saw a girl with dark brown eyes, wearing a black karate jacket with white karate pants. On her feet were white mat shoes. The girl in the mirror was staring back at her seriously.

Suddenly, she burst out laughing at something she'd just remembered from earlier in the day. She laughed so hard, she had to lean against the wall to support herself. Someone knocked on the door.

"Lexiss!" It was her younger sister, Danae. "Don't forget to take your Dexedrine before we leave for the tournament!"

"Okay!" she called through her laughter. She heard Danae walk out of the hallway, into her room and shut the door. A second later, there she heard 'Never Gonna Stop' by Rob Zombie blaring.

She grasped the handle, still laughing, and left. As she walked down the hall giggling, no one looked at her. This was perfectly normal behavior for Lexiss. You see, Lexiss had Attention Deficit Disorder, and didn't really like to take her medication on the weekend. She thought it was a lot more fun to be off it for a day or so, although the rest of her family didn't find it as amusing as she did. Especially Danae.

As she entered the kitchen, she jumped over her Schnauzer, who was eating, and went into a little jig across the floor over to the specific counter where her bottle of Dexedrine (which she affectionately called 'Dexy', which Danae had told her made it sound as if she was on drugs, which she was, but not like DRUGS drugs, only medicated drugs which helped her to calm down, but that's not the point!) lay.

She didn't notice her bottle gleam (which it shouldn't be able to do in the first place because it's a plastic bottle like the kind you get at the doctor's office, 'cause that's where she got it) just before she picked it up, and quickly popped a pill in her mouth.

"What kind did you take?" She jumped, and twirled around in a hyper-ish manner to see who was talking to her.

"BROTHER!" she shouted joyfully. She noticed he was already in his karate uniform, which happened to be a black karate jacket, and black karate pants. He was wearing his sneakers until they got to the dojo. He had his staff in his hand, and was holding it upright. "Are you going anywhere to-day?" she asked, knowing perfectly well that he was going to be at the karate tournament as well, but in a different category because he was a black belt and she was only a Nikyu Ho (which means she had one black stripe and one white stripe on her brown belt, which was a browny-brown-brown color).

He ignored the question. "Did you take a four-hour or an eight-hour?" he asked.

"Are you going to audition for the next Jet Li movie?" she asked. He sighed, getting very annoyed with his little sister. "Are you going to take me with you, so we can astound the people there, and then be shipped off to somewhere to film a movie with Jet Li and Jackie Chan and learn to kick both their asses together, and then—"

"LEXISS!" he shouted angrily.

She looked at him attentively. "Yes?"

"Have you taken—" He stopped talking and growled angrily. Lexiss was counting the patches on his karate pants.

"Spot, spot, spot, spot…" Lexiss was kneeling on the ground and pointing to each patch, going down each leg, never missing a patch. "…spot, spot, spot—"

"Lexiss," he said in a would-be calm voice, but Lexiss knew better, but didn't want to let on. "Take an eight-hour Dexedrine."

"TOO LATE!" she cried, triumphantly. She held up a slightly larger bottle on the counter and shook it, making the contents rattle around inside. "See? I'VE TAKEN ONE ALREADY! **_HA!_**"

He sighed, and left the room. As soon as he left, Lexiss pumped the hand that was holding the bottle of Dexedrine in the air triumphantly. She did a silent victory dance, but eventually, it slowed down, and she stopped. She then left the kitchen, crawled into the big, brown chair next to the bookcases, and pulled out one of the Tolkien books and began reading.

Danae came out, and saw her reading. "Oh, thank GOD!" she said. "The half-hour's UP!" (to explain, Dexedrine takes about thirty minutes to really take affect.)

Lexiss looked up from her book silently, slightly annoyed that someone had interrupted her, saw it was Danae, and went back to her reading.

Danae went into the kitchen to get a glass of water when Lexiss spoke up.

"Do you know if Mark's ready yet?" she asked, half-listening. Her eyes never left the book.

"Yeah,"

"Okay, just curious."

"Are _you?_"

Lexiss rolled her eyes. "If I wasn't, do you think I'd be sitting here reading…" she looked at the cover of the book, "Unfinished Tales by J.R.R. Tolkien?"

Danae's reply was blunt. "Yes."

Lexiss blinked. "Oh yeah. ADD, hmm!" then went back to her reading.

Danae leaned through the doorway. "You _do_ realize we're going to leave soon, right?"

"How soon?"

"Within the next few minutes,"

Lexiss's eyes widened. She slammed the book shut, jumped up from her seat, and ran back to her room to grab her gear for sparring.

~*~

"Oh, come on! I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this!" Lexiss opened the door later that afternoon. She was talking to Danae.

"I _lost_ all my matches!" Danae exclaimed angrily.

"Yeah, well _I_ didn't win any of _mine_," Lexiss replied annoyingly calm.

"But you didn't lose all your matches either!"

Lexiss ignored the statement. "How's your chest feeling after Seranity scraped it with her heel?"

Danae growled.

"Never mind!" Lexiss then went back to her room to change. She dumped her gear next to her bed, and threw off her shoes. She didn't notice her jacket gleam (like her bottle had) as she put it on her bed.

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" she called through, now very thankful for the T-shirt she was wearing under her jacket.

"Can I come in?" It was Mark.

She was silent, thinking about how she was feeling, and if she really wanted him in at the moment.

"No, Mark, not now," she finally replied. She heard him whine.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood to be around anyone."

Mark opened the door slightly, left it open, and then stomped down the hall.

Lexiss shut the door, and within minutes, was dressed in her jeans and grey T-shirt. She then calmly walked out of the room, down the hall, jumped into her chair, and picked up her book from earlier. And before you could say _platano morado_, she had delved deep into the world that Tolkien had created.

~*~

Later that night, She sleepily walked into her room, and noticed she hadn't put her karate jacket away. She picked it up, and noticed the gleam. She didn't seem surprised in the least. If anything, she looked annoyed; sleepy, but annoyed.

"Why, oh why, do so many girls put glitter on themselves?" she muttered to herself as she brushed it off. She then put it on a shelf in her closet yawned.

"G'night, Lexiss," she said to herself with an amused smile on her face as she flopped onto her bed and immediately fell asleep.

And she dreamed…

(A/N: This is going to be in Lexiss's POV, 'k?)

I walked in a dark void. I looked around to see any signs of life, but there were none. Up ahead, I saw what looked like stars, only they were bobbing up and down, up and down…it really captures your attention! I ran up to see what they were, and they turned out to be bubbles! Little, glowing bubbles, that gently bobbed up and down in a nonexistent wind, but only move up and down, and never back and forth or just forth. Or back. They weren't as interesting now.

I got the sudden urge to touch one. So I looked at all the bubbles, to find out which one to pop first! The first one was a clear-ish bubble. But just as I was about to pop it, I saw Sra. Gonzales handing out a big test, so I backed away from that one.The next one had a blue-ish tint to it. When I looked in it, I saw myself when I was younger swimming. I left that one alone because I don't want to meet the past me! The third had a green-ish tint to it. I saw an old, Irish (I think) castle inside it, and I heard Celtic music coming from it (I think it was Gaelic Storm)! That made me very happy. So I decided to browse while listening to my favorite band.

I saw three bubbles that were close together, and had the same emerald green tint. They were all forests. Or at least, they were all **a** forest, but one was older than the other, and the last one was lots older! I decided to check the rest before popping those ones.

The next was a dark grey. I tried really hard to see in it, but all I could see was darkness. So I leaned in closer to see if I could see anything then. A **HUGE** spider seemed to be charging me! I yelled, and backed away from that bubble as quickly as possible!

I felt a light on the back of my head, so I looked behind me to see what it was. It was yet another bubble, and this one was silvery. And not a solid silver, but watery. By that, I mean that it moved around fluidly, throwing weird lights on all the other bubbles, and it made them seem dimmer.

As I neared it, I heard someone cry out: "Sister! Do you have FEET?!" 

I whirled around, excited, hoping that someone was there as well. There was no one there.

"Sister, do you like CHEESE?"

I turned around, and saw yet another bubble. The thing that made this one different was that instead of a graceful bob up and down, this was…well…wiggled up and down. And even from a distance, I could see two girls bouncing around a room hyperactively. As if they'd had too much sugar. They were just like me on a regular basis!

THAT'S THE ONE!

I was grinning madly as I ran over to that bubble and I reached out my hand, ready to touch it and I was three feet away…when I bounced back!

I shook my head, and looked at the bubble.

"Yes, sister, I DO like cheese! Tell me, sister, do they have CHEESE in this place?"

There was a BIG bubble covering the little enticing bubble that I wanted to get to. And in that BIG bubble, there was one of those smiley faces and a hand that was shaking its INDEX finger at me as if it disapproved.

"What a ko-inky-dink that you asked, sister! They have cheese just upstairs, in a crowded room!"

"Why then, sister, let us go get some CHEESE!"

I laughed excitedly and tried to run through the BIG bubble…and bounced back again…and again, and again, and again…

"Behold, sister, a miraculous device! You need but enter this small room, press a button, and you emerge on whatever floor you desire!" one of the girls said excitedly.

I ran up to the BIG bubble, but this time began pounding my fists on it.

"LET ME IN!!" I shouted. "I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND BE HYPER!!" but the BIG bubble was unrelenting.

"You aren't supposed to go in there!" a voice behind me said.

I looked over my shoulder and saw a bubble about the size of my head floating about five feet away. Inside it was a ooooooooooooooooold guy who was looking straight at me.

I narrowed my eyes and glared. "WHY NOT?!" I shouted angrily. "WHY CAN'T I GO IN **THERE**?!" I pointed to the fun bubble where one of the girls leapt up and started saying, "Mooooo. Moooooo. I am Saruman the White, head of the Istari. I hereby propose that we reenact a meeting of the Istari."

_The ancient person looked at the bubble, obviously annoyed. "Because they are mocking Saruman of Many Colors," he replied simply._

"Hurry, Gandalf! We must summon the other Istari! I will send for Radagast the Brown and Ragna the Urple," the other added.

"I will bring Manfred the Slightly Ecru."

I started snickering.

"We must also summon Joe the Fire-Engine-Red and Calvin the Baby Blue-"  
I then fell to the solid part of the dark void where I was standing, and I started rolling around, laughing so hard that tears came out of my eyes in streams. The old weirdo in the bubble didn't look amused in the least.

"WILL YOU CEASE AND DESIST FOR A MOMENT?" the oldie shouted.

I looked up at him seriously. "Done!" And then I began laughing again.

He sighed, and muttered something about 'choosing the hyper one…'

"Young one?" he said, trying desperately to get my attention.

"¿Sí, señor?" I asked, deliberately trying to annoy him. He ignored that, thankful that he at least had my attention.

"Which bubble do you want to pop BESIDES THAT ONE?" I jumped up and ran over to the one that was playing Gaelic Storm. Hee, hee! Playing.

"Are you sure?" he asked. He was obviously up to something, but I didn't think about that for the time being.

"Yep!" I nodded energetically. "I want to go to Ireland veeeeeeeeeery badly!"

"But **are you sure** you want to go in **there**?" I cocked my head inquisitively.

"Are you trying to peak my curiosity so I'll go and poke **your** bubble?" He sighed, obviously thinking I had **just **caught on, which isn't true, and nodded his head. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, and then got a blank look on his face, as if he didn't know what to say. For a few minutes there was silence. Then I finally said, "You're drooling."

His eyes widened, and his hand flew to his mouth to wipe away the drool…that wasn't really there. He glared at me. "That wasn't funny," he stated.

"Yes, it was," I replied, rocking back and forth on my heels, and looking anywhere but at him, because he was boring.

He sighed in defeat. "All right, all right! You don't have to pop the bubble," he finally said, "but I still need your help to get out of here."

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Right."

"I need you to write a story about Lord of the Rings—"

"You mean a fanfic?" I said, getting excited. He looked at me blankly. "Fanfiction? You know, a story by people who are fans of something and their writing can be very funny?" The blank look turned into one of realization.

"Yes! Yes, that's what I meant!" he agreed. "A fanfic!"

I laughed for no apparent reason than just to laugh. Either that, or I was laughing at him, which is definitely more likely because he's just so IGNORANT, it's fun to laugh at him!

"But if you **don't** write the…fanfic," he warned, "I'll send you to the most horrible place on earth!"

"Antarctica?" The blank look returned. "Or did you mean **Middle-**earth?"

He must have been thinking 'why did I choose to get **her** to help me?!' because he closed his eyes and shook his head in frustration. "Yes. Middle-earth."

"Okay, then!" I decided on my location. "Isengard?"

"HEY!" he looked hurt. "I happen to **live** in Isengard!" He shot me a death glare. "I was thinking about Mordor, if you must know!"

I grinned playfully. "Oh, but then I'd be able to bother ORCS and SAURON, and SHOOT SHELOB DEAD!" my grin grew at the prospect of killing the scary spider.

He looked like he was about to kill me even though he was in the bubble, and I wasn't. He then closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure. I began humming 'I Like Chinese' by Monty Python, and glancing at the funny bubble. I noticed that the BIG bubble had disappeared! YES! And I had started to head towards the fun bubble when he opened his eyes.

"I'm not finished!" he called. I just laughed.

"But I can get to the FUN BUBBLE NOW!" and I began running towards it. Then, I LEVITATED!! …And then flew back to the old weirdo and plopped down right in front of him. Damn.

"Maybe you will listen to what I have to say now!" I thought about it, and shook my head.

"Doubtful!" I started rocking back and forth again. "I'm getting tired of this conversation, so can I just go now?"

"LET ME FINISH!" he roared.

"What do you have to say that you haven't already said?" I asked, a more compressed my smile, but you could tell that I was still very, very, very hyper!

He glared at me again. "All right! I'll tell you later!"

"Good! Can I go to the fun bubble now?"

"But before you write anything, TAKE YOUR DEXEDRINE!!"

His face disappeared from the bubble, and I noticed that the other bubbles were popping! I DIDN'T GET TO POP EVEN ONE! And there wasn't anything in them! Now that made me mad! I tried to run to the fun bubble before anything happened to it, but I was stuck! I tried desperately to un-stick myself, and then I fell. Shit… 

~*~

Lexiss rolled off of her bed, and (fortunately) onto the carpet. She squeezed her eyes shut, and shook her head.

"Now THAT was the WEIRDEST dream!" she tried not to yell, knowing how easy it was to wake Danae up. She picked herself up off of the floor, and pushed her hair out of her face. She considered going back to bed, but the room was cold, she was cold, and she was now wide-awake. She stretched, yawned, and began walking softly towards the door.

Danae shifted, and Lexiss froze. 'Don't wake up, Danae, don't wake up!' she silently pleaded. She waited a full three minutes, standing stock still, and silent. A magnificent feat for her! Then she heard Danae shift again, and mutter something indeciferable in her sleep.

She sighed **_very_** quietly, and sloooooowly opened the door so her little sister wouldn't hear it and wake up.

Once it was about half way open, she side stepped out of the room, and quickly (but still silently) shut the door behind her. She peeked through Mark's open door, and saw that he was fast asleep. Then, in socked feet, she walked/slipped across the linoleum floor of the alcove and into the carpeted hallway. And even though she would have preferred to turn on the hall light, she didn't want to risk waking anyone else up at whatever god-forsaken hour it was in the morning. So she crept through the hall, not making a sound.

She stopped as soon as she had entered the family room. 'Why am I doing this?' she asked herself. 'Why didn't I just go back to bed?' She didn't have an answer for herself. She couldn't shrug it off just like that, and so, she let it bother her mind, and while it did that, decided to get on the computer.

Lexiss slipped into her shoes (which she had left out there because she's just lazy as well as mentally ill with ADD) so her feet would warm up, and pulled her large, black sweatshirt (which she had also left out there for no apparent reason) over her head. She then sat down in the computer chair, and heard it humming. She gave it a weird look.

'Okay, who forgot to turn off the computer?!' she silently demanded of the sleeping household. But instead of waking people up and starting to point fingers at the (most likely) guilty person, she just jiggled the mouse to get it out of sleep mode, and got on the Internet.

"No, no, no…" she muttered as she looked at what there was on ff.net. "_Why isn't there anything I want to read up right now?_" she demanded quietly. Then an idea struck her. "I could do what the old fogy suggested!" she grinned excitedly, and jigged over to the bookshelf with the Tolkien books. She then pulled out the BIG RED ONE (which happened to be Lord of the Rings) and flipped it open to a page near the beginning. She laughed quietly at the title of the note: _Concerning Pipe-weed_. (A/N: I COULDN'T HELP IT!! And has anyone else noticed that note?)

"Weed!" she said happily, but still quietly. "Weed, weed, weed! _The hobbits are high!!!_" (well, I guess that explains the kind of glazed over look on Bilbo's face in the movie just before the party scene!) She broke down giggling, but (fortunately) no one woke up.

About an hour or so later, she got back onto the computer, onto Microsoft Word (2), and began typing rapidly, and excitedly. Here's all that she wrote down at first:

__

Location: Middle-Earth, any place it would be totally random to have a well read, but hyper, Tolkien fan plop down and break into random laughter. That is NOT Moria.

Age: Third, just for the helluvit.

Main Character: ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!

Companions: Gand-y, Stride-y, Bor-y, Leg-y, Sam-y, Gimli-y, Pip-y, Frod-y, Merry-y, and Bill-y the pony-y.

Movie/Book: BOOK!!!

Which book?: Which book has Boromir in it?! FotR, of course!

Time of day: Night.

Then, the computer began writing on its own! Lexiss made her index fingers into a cross, and pushed them towards the computer.

"It's aliiiiive!" she said in a quiet voice. "And it loves…GAMES!" and she cracked up, remembering the commercial.

__

Specific location:

Lexiss put her fingers on the keyboard and began typing again. _Mirkwood._

The computer sat there for a few seconds, and then words began popping up again.

__

Does not agree with selection of companions. Which do you wish to change?

Lexiss raised her eyebrows. "This computer keeps getting smarter, and smarter," she muttered. _This is fanfiction, dumb ass! I want to take them all there!_

__

Does not agree with selection of companions. Which do you wish to change?

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine!" _Companions._

Which companions do you wish to have?

__

None. I'll meet them as I go along.

The computer hummed, as if it was busy. Then, only one word came up: _done_.

Lexiss looked at the word. "'Done'?" she said, confused. "That's all?! DONE?!"

"Time to go!"

She whirled around in her chair, and suddenly, a thingamajigger picked her up, and threw her at the computer!

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!" she shouted as she _passed through the screen and was flying passed scenes from different books!_ "Ooh! It's PUCK! Andandandand Whatshisface from Redwall!" She grinned, and spent the next few minutes pointing out characters from books as she passed them, until she saw that she was going towards a light.

"MUST STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!" she shouted excitedly, and began giggling. I guess the tunnel got tired of her giggling very quickly, because the next thing she knew, she was falling into trees that were extremely close together, and fell through the branches, and fell face-first onto the ground.

A/N: Please don't flame me. Even if you were offended by the 'high hobbits' comment. That came from total insanity that was slightly derived from _my_ ADD, which brought about my giving Lexiss ADD. That and the fact that I _have_ seen hyper girls dropped into Middle-earth, but I've never heard of a girl with ADD going to Middle-earth. And also, I don't own the hyper bubble, or its contents. Those came from a fic called "Fangirls on Sugar" by Rini. Very funny. I hope you read it. Please r/r.


	2. HOLY CRAP! I FORGOT TO TAKE MY DEXEDRINE...

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Chapter two: _HOLY CRAP! I FORGOT MY DEXY!! Damn. There it is._

Lexiss lay, on the ground, her face slammed into the dirt. She picked her head up, and spat out the bit of dirt that actually managed to get in. "Ouch," was the only word she said.

"Do you need some help?" A hand reached down to her. Lexiss looked up at its owner. She had creamy skin, and straight red hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes were grey, and she had glasses on. She was wearing blue jeans (like Lexiss) and a dark grey tank top. On her feet were red sneakers.

"Who are you?" Lexiss asked the strange girl. "And how did _you_ get here?" She grasped at the hand, and hauled herself up. The strange girl smiled.

"Same way you did! After sending too many kids (who shouldn't have come here in the first place) to count, you would think that Saruman would've realized that's not going to bring him back from Bubble Land." (He's pushed HOW MANY KIDS into MIDDLE-EARTH?!!) She laughed at the irony of their situation. "I'm Ashley," she added. "Welcome to Mirkwood…" she prompted her for her name.

"Lexiss," she replied, and looked around nervously. "There aren't any _spiders_ around here. Are there?" she asked, both of the girls shuddered.

"No, no, we got 'em pretty quickly," Ashley assured her. Lexiss visibly relaxed, and laughed excitedly.

"Okay, then!" she began running. "Let's go bother someone!" Ashley gave her a weird look. Lexiss stopped and looked back. "Oh yeah. I have ADD," she added, as if it wasn't important, and began running again. She laughed excitedly, and it echoed through the trees, causing several somethings in them to move, and follow her.

Ashley stood there for a second, blinking, and then ran after Lexiss. 'I've got to warn her!' she thought nervously.

~*~

Lexiss ran in the dark, streaking past trees, and laughing all the way. She didn't even see the net in front of her, until she had run into it, and was well tangled.

"Now I know how a _fly_ feels," she muttered irritably as she took a step, and promptly fell face first (she _does_ fall that way a lot, doesn't she?) in the dirt. Within minutes, she was surrounded by Elves, all of who were armed, but not threatening her.

"Oh no," one of them groaned. "Not another one!"

"When will Saruman realize that this will never give him a way back?" another asked.

"And why did the Free People decide to have them stay _here_?" a third added.

The most responsible one picked up an end of the net, and handed it to one of the (obviously) younger Elves. "You carry this end, and you take this end," he handed the other end to one of the other two.

Lexiss wriggled, and resembled a very large, very…strange, earthworm. "I CAN WALK!" she shouted. "LET ME OUT OF HERE!!"

"I'm sorry," the responsible one said, "but we must take you to the others."

"'The others'?" the girl grinned from inside the netting. "Is that like the movie starring Nicole Kidman?"

The Elf gave her a weird look, and signaled to the others to start walking. Ashley chose that time to run in. The Elf looked at her, and her eyes grew wide.

"Shit!" she started to run, but the Elf tackled her, and tied her ankles together, and then her wrists, and then slung her over his shoulder.

"What a productive day," he said lightly. "We caught a new one, _and_ a runaway."

"Ash," Lexiss said slowly, "what's going on?" Ashley grinned sheepishly.

"I tried to tell you that the random children that Saruman had dropped here were beginning to become such a nuisance that they were being held in specially made pens in Mirkwood, but you ran off too fast," she replied. "And what was that that you said you had?"

"ADD," she said promptly. "Attention Deficit Disorder. Don't ask for the symptoms, it takes too long, and you wouldn't want to know."

"Most likely," one of the Elves carrying the net said. "Now SHUT UP IN THERE!" Lexiss giggled excitedly as if someone had tickled her.

"You Elves have the _weirdest_ way of saying 'shut up'! Don't they, Ashley?" The girl nodded.

"You get used to it after the first few days of it, and it loses its humorous quality, though."

"Damn!"

The responsible Elf closed his eyes momentarily, as if they were trying his patience. "Girls, be quiet."  
"Why?" Lexiss asked in a perfect impression of Mindy from Animaniacs.

"The prince is hunting nearby."

"Why?" Ashley joined her in.

"Because this is where he has the best luck."

"Why?" They repeated in unison.

"Because you don't need to ask that stupid—" he was cut off by the two girls laughing at how he said 'stupid'. He sighed angrily.

"Are we there yet?" Lexiss asked, a huge grin plastered over her face.

"Indeed," the Elf replied, and he nodded to the two holding the net. They nodded back, and tossed the net, Lexiss and all, down a hole. "We are."

"HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Lexiss screamed as she tried to claw her way out of the net. Then Ashley caught up to her. She looked perfectly normal. There was a sharp _Snap!_ above them, and it was pitch black inside. Lexiss started freaking out.

"It'll be okay," she assured Lexiss. "This is how we get to the holding pens." Lexiss looked at her as if she was insane. "Trust me! This has happened to me dozens of times!"

Then the two of them landed in a huge pile of dry leaves. Promptly, they were lifted out, and their bonds were cut off of them.

"Welcome to Eighth Hell!" a voice said. "It's good to see you again, Ashley!"

Ashley grinned. "Hey, Chris. This is Lexiss." Lexiss shook his hand. "How are we doing?"

"Three more teens, and five little kids escaped in the past week," he replied. "They haven't caught any of them yet." Ashley nodded satisfactory.

"So we're rebelling against being held underground against our will, and not being able to run around freely?" Lexiss asked curiously. Chris nodded.

"That, and some of the weirder fangirls have been complaining about not being able to glomp Legolas or Frodo or a member of the Fellowship besides Gimli," he added. Lexiss smirked.

"Not me!" she said happily. "I JUST WANT TO TORTURE SOME ELVES FOR KEEPING ME DOWN HERE WHEN I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!" she shuddered. "That, and I'd love to torture the Fellowship and all the inhabitants of Rivendell!" she grinned excitedly, and then shuddered again. Chris gave Ashley a questioning look.

"She has ADD," she explained.

"Oh."

"YEP!" she grinned again, but at the same time, they could see goose bumps on her arms. "Can we get out of here now?"

"There's practically no way out that they haven't blocked after we've used 'em," Chris began to explain. There was a rustle of dry leaves, and no response from Lexiss. "Lexiss?" There was still no response. He turned around, and saw her actually _climbing up the way that they had come in!_

"Lexiss!" he shouted, and ran to the tunnel. Ashley turned around just in time to see her feet disappear.

"LEXISS!" she ran over there as well. From the gloom above, they heard a slight giggle, and some scrambling.

"LOOKITME!" she called down. "I found another way out!"

"It isn't safe!" Ashley called back up. "Just drop down!"

"No one's coming!" Lexiss replied. "I'll be fine!"

"I wouldn't count on it," Chris muttered. "I bet she falls, and another kid in a net falls on top of her."

Ashley glared at him. "Stop that. LEXISS! This might actually work. PLEASE COME BACK DOWN!"

There was no response. (Really? Yes, really; now shut up. Yes'm.) They stood there in silence, waiting to see what happened. A few minutes later, they heard a sound of someone scrabbling, and some dirt fell a few feet of them. They heard a wooden creak, and a quick _Snap!_

Chris looked at Ashley. Both of them were wide-eyed. She'd made it. They didn't think she'd be able to, but she made it!

"Whoa!" they said at the same time.

A second later, there was another snapping sound, and Lexiss dropped onto the leaves giggling. They stared at her, confused.

"Were there guards up there?" Chris asked. Lexiss shook her head, still grinning.

"Nope! I just went through to see if I could do it, and now I know I can get out," she replied, as if this kind of thing happened to her all the time. Then she started giggling again (she finds a lot of things funny, doesn't she?) at their stunned faces.

"Lexiss, you could have been able to get us _all_ out of here if you'd stayed up there!" Again, the girl shook her head.

"Uh, uh! If I'd stayed up there, eventually they'd figure out that I'd used that way for an exit, and they'd destroy that one, and make a new entrance into this stupid cave!" For once, she sounded totally responsible. 

Then Chris was about to say something, when Lexiss said something again.

"But I'm bored down here…in the gloom…" she shuddered, "so I'm going back up there anyway!" And then she began to crawl up the walls again, clutching self-made hand and footholds as she made her way up. (She's starting to remind me of Smeagol…)

Ashley looked at Chris. Chris looked at Ashley.

"What do we do about her?" he asked. She shrugged.

"MY TURN!" a little boy about four years old ran past the two, and began climbing up after Lexiss, giggling. They heard Lexiss giggling with him further up.

"Ash-lee?" a seven-year-old girl said. "What's going on? Why's the hole gig-gling?" Ashley rolled her eyes and smiled at the thought of the tunnel laughing. (Spooky…)

"The new girl here has ADD," she started, "so when she got bored, she decided to find her way out, and she found a way to get out by climbing back up there."

A group of kids ranging, from ages four to seventeen (is that even a kid??), by now had gathered around them.

"She found a new way out?" a wild-eyed ten-year-old asked hopefully. "You mean that a new kid got out _on her first try?_" Chris nodded.

There was a sudden cry coming from the hole, and silence fell. All eyes turned to the opening. Some loose dirt fell, and there was another cry.

"It's okay, kid!" they heard Lexiss say. "I gotcha! I'm not letting go! Do you feel that hand hold to your left?" there was silence followed by a soft whimper. "Okay, I'm going to try to swing you over there, and you need to grab it. I'm not letting go until you've got a firm grip to the wall."

There was silence for several long minutes. They heard some scuffling, and some more dirt fell.

"Do you have it?" Lexiss asked softly (but they could hear because her voice because the tunnel made her voice echo). The boy sniffled a little. "Kid, do you have it?"

"Uh huh," he said nervously.

"All right, I'm going to let go, and I want you to drop onto the leaves." There was a stunned silence. "You'll be okay now. Trust me."

A few seconds later, they boy dropped onto the leaves. Many of the children surrounded him, and pulled him out. Ashley leaned forward and looked into the pitch black.

"Lexiss?" she called up. "Are you going to come back?"

There was silence. "Did he make it?" she called back.

"Yeah, he's fine."

"I'm not going back down there. I'm claustrophobic, and I will NOT be held UNDERGROUND!" There was yet another _Snap_ and silence.

A sixteen-year-old boy raised his arms for attention. "PLACE YOUR BETS NOW, PEOPLE!" he shouted. "SHE'LL BE BACK IN TEN MINUTES!" (*waves handful of cash* I BETCHA SHE'LL BE BACK IN _FIVE_ MINUTES!)

A couple of the more hopeful kids snorted, and ignored him. Several of the boys placed their bets, along with some girls, while the rest of the girls told them how immature that was. Several of the younger ones were trying to figure out how Lexiss had gotten up there.

Chris leaned against the wall with crossed arms and looked at Ashley. "When do you think they'll catch her?"

"Never, if we're lucky."

"Hasn't happened yet."

Ashley shrugged. "Well, maybe our luck's finally come in."

"What makes you so confident?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Have you even _read_ an LotR fic?"

"Not recently."

"Well, from what I've read, there hasn't been one fic with a girl in it that has ADD. She does."

"Your point being? This isn't some fic, Ash. This is real life!" (Yeah. Riiiiiiight… WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!! *shuts up*)

"Well, give her a chance! Let's wait until we first see her get thrown back before we say that her mentality has nothing to do with it!"

"Deal."

~*~

Lexiss crawled out of the hole, and closed it gently, and heard it snap from the inside. 'Ah ha,' she thought, "they've rigged it up so we can't get out.' She thought about that, and smothered a giggle.

"What are you doing near the children pens?" a young voice asked. Lexiss turned around, and found herself staring into a pair of clear, innocent, light blue eyes, framed by silvery blonde hair. It was an elf child. Lexiss grinned and put her finger to her lips.

"Shhh," she whispered. "I'm…playing Hide and Seek!" she nodded like Bilbo did at the party scene when he's telling the Hobbit children the story about his adventure with the Trolls. The elf child cocked his head curiously.

"Aren't you one of the human children that Saruman sent here?" he asked, not bothering to whisper. Lexiss shook her head violently.

"Nooooo," she whispered, "I'm from the West!" she told her.

"You don't _sound_ like you're from the West," the child replied. "How can I be sure that you really aren't one of the children that Saruman sent here?"

"Instinct, my dear," she said coolly, quoting the movie "To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar", "and exquisite wit. If you're going to—" she clapped her hands over her mouth.

"If I'm going to _what_?" the boy asked suspiciously.

"If you're going to play, you have to trust me, and keep quiet," Lexiss covered. The child didn't seem convinced. He crossed his arms and gave her a look that said he didn't believe me.

"Do you honestly think I'm that stupid?" he asked. Lexiss clamped her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing at the way he said 'stupid'. It sounded so much funnier when the elf child said it!

"No?" she replied, trying to keep from squeaking with restrained laughter.

"Do you want me to yell?" he asked, and began taking in a deep breath of air. Lexiss threw herself on top of him, and practically hugged his head so he wouldn't yell.

"All right, all right!" I whispered angrily. "If I tell you the truth, will you leave me alone and let me get out of here?" He grinned.

"You realize that by tackling me, you just made enough noise to alert most elves nearby?" he asked.

"Shit!" I jumped up, and began running all out.

"It's another one!" she heard an elf call out to his friend. She grinned at the thought of racing the elves and seeing if she could actually win. She put on an extra burst of speed, and sprinted as fast as she could. She glanced back, and saw at least three elves on her tail. Her grin grew to one of pure pleasure, and she laughed at the excitement of it all.

THE HUNT WAS ON!!

~*~

Back in 'Eighth Hell', Ashley was leaning against a wall, watching the younger kids crowd around the gate where they got fed, and wondered if Lexiss had actually made it.

"Make way!" a few elves were coming in, and they were carrying what looked like a large sack. The kids backed off, leaving a large, crescent-shaped space free for them.

Ashley called a boy about thirteen over. He was fairly tall, and pretty strong. Not too fast, but strong. And he was smart. 

"What's going on?" she muttered. He shrugged his shoulders.

"The bag's wriggling, so I'm assuming that they caught the new girl," he said. They watched the elves dump the bag and leave quickly. The bag _did_ wriggle, and soon, a girl with springy, orange-red hair popped out of the bag, looking slightly dazed, and had an almost dreamy expression on her face.

"That's not Lexiss," Ashley commented.

"No, that's Kelly," he replied. "She got out a couple of days ago." For the first time since Lexiss had left, Ashley smiled.

"We may actually have a chance here," she said, sounding more hopeful than she had in a long time.

~*~

Lexiss sat, wedged between some rocks, waiting for the elves to pass her. She had taken a swift turn, and almost lost them, but a sixth sense told her they were coming. Within seconds, she heard a voice directly above her.

"You, look over there, and you, that way. She couldn't have gone far." There was an elf standing on the rock she was under! She grinned at the irony of what he just said. She tried hard not to wriggle, and laugh, even though she wanted to badly (Oh, boy! Did she ever!). 

There was a pause, and she even stopped breathing, waiting for them to decide she wasn't there. She wondered if they could hear her heart pounding as loudly as she could.

"Got you!" an Elf dragged her out of her hiding spot (Evidently, they could.). She threw her foot in his face, breaking his nose. He let go of her, and grabbed his nose. She took the opportunity, and ran off again.

"FREEDOM!" she shouted, mocking a movie she didn't even remember the name to. She jumped in the air, and continued running while the elves made sure their friend was all right.

Lexiss, by now, was gasping for air (You have to realize, that even though she's extremely hyper, and has ADD, she is also lazy, and doesn't like running.). She tried her hardest to gasp as quietly as she could, and she succeeded for a while. She stopped for a second to catch her breath (it had gotten away from her, you see), and she noticed that there weren't any Elves nearby trying to capture her. She looked at the trees surrounding her, wondering if they _were_ there, but just keeping quiet. She took two quiet steps forward, and saw a trip wire in her path. A bush giggled quietly, and wriggled slightly. She skipped lightly to that bush, reached in, and yanked something up.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"_ it was the Elf child, and she had him by the silky hair.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she growled in her throat, yanking at his hair. He winced again, but didn't make a sound. "What are you doing?" she tried again, in a softer, more dangerous tone. He still didn't say anything. She sighed angrily. "Look, you spoiled little asshole, all I'm trying to do is get away from those damn caves. I'm claustrophobic, and I'm just trying to talk to your goddamn king, to see if I can get at least better living conditions for the 'children', as you call us, even though I _know_ I'm older than you are, you snotty, vertically challenged, _brat!_" (I'm glad I don't know this person!) she looked him in the eye, practically wishing that she could shoot daggers from them. "Now, tell me. What were you doing trying to trip me up?"

He looked subdued. "I was trying to help the other Elves," he replied simply. "They're trying to catch you, I thought I could help them catch you!"

Lexiss let go of his hair, and gripped his shoulder tightly. "Work on your stealth, _elfo,_" she said, her voice slightly calmer. "If you don't want me to be royally pissed, take me to your king, _now_." The Elf child took the hint, and immediately began walking quickly.

~*~

Legolas was just taking a peaceful walk when he heard something. He reached for his bow and fitted an arrow to it, just in time to see an Elf child come out of the trees, followed by a very cranky looking human child. He gave the child a strange look. The child tensed up.

"Eruner, mani laa lle umien?"* he asked, sternly. The Elf child (now to be known as Eruner) avoided his eyes. "Ya naa tanya?"**

Eruner looked up at Lexiss for help. She looked down at him and back up at Legolas silently. Her hand on his shoulder tightened momentarily, letting him know she had no intention of getting him out of this.

"Edan,"*** he replied quickly. Legolas sighed, looked at Lexiss warily to see if she'd rush him the way other girls had, but when she didn't budge, he relaxed ever so slightly.

"Amin sinta mani re naa,"**** he said, taking a step forward, and glancing at Lexiss to she what she'd do.

"What's going on?" she asked suddenly. The child loosened up a little bit, relieved that he'd been taken off the hook. "What are you talking about?" she continued. "Don't you know that it's rude to have a conversation that the rest of your company, welcome or not (not, in my case), can't understand?"

"I was asking who you were," he replied. "You are obviously a human child, and one that Saruman sent here." Lexiss nodded, confirming what she said, but the cranky look never left her face.

"That's right, I'm human, I'm a child, my name is Lexiss, Saruman the Idiot sent me here, _your_ Elves threw me into a giant underground _pit_ (and I _am_ claustrophobic), I have ADD, I have been chased, and I'm tired, and I. Am. _PISSED. **OFF!!**_" she glared at him angrily. Then, in a much calmer tone she added: "Fortunately for me, though, my little friend here," she patted Eruner's shoulder, "happened to be nearby, and offered to take me to the royalty around here, so I could get either freedom for the poor kids that Saruman the Stupid sent here, or at least better living conditions!"

Legolas blinked. Some of the girls he had encountered _had_ talked this much, and more, but when he was around, it was usually about him. There was something different about this girl…

"Well?" she snapped impatiently, "aren't you going to say anything?"

"All right…Lexiss…?" he asked, trying to confirm that it was her name. She nodded once. "I'm sure that one of the children down there has told you that they began to become nuisances, which is why we brought them here—"

"—and threw 'em in caves, restricted their freedom, given them the idea to become more annoying by escaping, which is more of a hassle for you, as is putting them back." Lexiss finished, seriously. Eruner tried to get out of Lexiss's grasp, but as she felt him shift, she subconsciously tightened her grip, so he couldn't get away.

"Haven't I done what you asked?" he said, looking up at Lexiss pleadingly. She looked down at him.

"Yes you did," she replied. "And you tried to get me thrown back down into my version of Elvin-made Hell _twice_," she added. "You're staying with me until we get our rights!" Eruner inwardly groaned. If anything, he didn't want to be stuck around _her_ forever! She looked back up at Legolas. "So," she said, "What are you going to do? You've heard our demands, and if you have any, you'd better get them out right now, or I'll just find out where _all_ the holding pens are, I'll get every kid out, and all Hell will break loose. No joke."

Legolas nodded. "Before I do, though," he said, "I had a strange dream last night, where Saruman gave me a strange bottle, and told me to give it to 'Lexiss'. And since that is you, here it is." He dropped a small, white bottle into her hand. She looked down at it, and saw this word: _Dextroamphetamine._

"Damn," she muttered. "It's my dexy."

A/N: Wow. Lexiss sure is serious in this chapter! But she, like me, knows when she can't act up, no matter how much she'd like it. I'm sorry if I offended anyone anywhere within this chapter.

Translations— 

*Eruner, what are you doing?

**Who is that?

***Human

****I know what she is.


	3. Take it No! NOW! Fine, fine!

****

Chapter Three:_ Take it. No! NOW!! Fine, fine!_

Ashley stood near the tunnel, waiting for Lexiss to be dropped back down. She almost expected to hear her new friend giggling as she fell, and then scramble back up, only to be thrown back down again. She pushed her glasses back onto the bridge of her nose, where they rested comfortably for the time being.

"Ashley?" she looked over and saw the little boy that had followed Lexiss up the tunnel. "They're saying she's gonna get caught." He pointed to a group of kids about thirteen-years-old that were talking quickly and excitedly. He looked back up at her. "Is she?"

"Is she what?" Ashley asked, getting down on her knees to look him in the eyes.

"Is she gonna get caught by the Elves and then tossed back down here?" Ashley smiled and chuckled quietly.

"So that's what's bothering you?" he nodded. "Nah, I don't think they're going to get Lexiss."

"Why?"

"Because she's different from the rest of us," she told him. "She has something called ADD. It means she thinks differently and has a little bit more energy than either of us." (A little?! ¬_¬ …yes'm.)

The little boy smiled. "Really?" she nodded.

"Yep!"

"Should I tell the others that they're wrong?" Ashley laughed.

"Let's let them think they're right for now, 'kay, Sam?" The boy nodded. "Great!"

~*~

Lexiss looked down at the plastic bottle in her hand and back up at Legolas. "Please don't make me take this, sir."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why don't you wish to take it?"

"Because I become a very focused person who needs to be doing something to keep from being bored, and is very responsible. Basically, I focus. Don't even try to get away, Eruner. I'm not letting go."

His reply was prompt "Take it. Take it now." (My, isn't he subtle?) Lexiss sighed and opened the bottle with her free hand. She put Eruner into a temporary headlock and grabbed the bottle with that hand. She shook it until a single pill fell into her hand, which she popped into her mouth.

Eruner looked up at his 'captor'. "Please may I go?" she smiled sarcastically and ruffled his hair.

"Oh, but why would you want to go? Do you want to have _more_ fun tripping up the future leaders of America?" he silently looked down. She was obviously still angry with him about trying to trip her up.

"Lexiss," Legolas warned her. She looked up at him. "Let him go. He has done what you have requested, and now you must release him." She raised an eyebrow. "Now." She rolled her eyes and relinquished her grip on Eruner's shoulder. He immediately scampered off towards the castle…I think…

She crossed her arms over her chest in an impatient sort of way, and waited for several seconds. "Okay," she burst out, "I can't wait any longer. Are you going to let us go, or not?"

"I cannot simply release all the children," he said in a calm and practical voice. "If I did, then all the Free People would wish to know why the Elves of Mirkwood have done so." Lexiss nodded in acknowledgement to that statement. "Also, the 'fangirls', as I believe you call them—"

"Yep, fangirls," she agreed.

"They would run rampant and would never leave anyone (and from my experience, especially _me_) alone."

"That's true…"

"On the other hand," he continued, "that _would_ decrease some of the problems that my people have been having due to escapes and having to ride out to solve a Child problem."

"Okay, I have an idea!" Lexiss said, looking enthusiastic. "How 'bout this? You let us go; we set up a settlement far enough away from all others so that we can't bother you, but **_if_** we need help, we can come to you, and _only_ if we need help. And if you do let us set up a place to live that is _not_ underground, _I'll_ deal with the fangirls." A grin flashed across her face for a split-second before it went into a patient blankness. "What do you think?"

Legolas was silent for several minutes. Lexiss rocked back and forth on her heels, patiently waiting for a response. After a minute, she started humming _Perhaps_ by Doris Day and looking around. He looked at her, and she stopped moving and humming. She grinned again, and waited for a response.

"I would have to discuss this with my father, and the lords of the Free People as well." She sighed.

"Does this mean that until we figure out if they'll let us be free, we're stuck in the Pits?" he nodded.

"I'm afraid so." She raised an eyebrow.

"Right…but before you send me back down into Hell, can you show me where all the 'pens' are so I can inform everyone? Please, Mr. Legolas, prince, sir?" He shook his head. "Why not?"

"Not yet, at least. I would rather have you escorted to each of the pens and then back to your own." She glared at him. "You are a Child, and the Elves who have no idea of your plans or of who you are would throw you into the nearest pen."

"Oh." She sighed. "So I should go back now, shouldn't I?" he nodded. "Damn. Okay, but don't you forget about what I suggested!" she walked back into the trees from where she came. Legolas could hear her walking heavily (due to fatigue from running) and began walking in the opposite direction.

He didn't hear her spit out the Dexedrine pill, though.

~*~

Things had calmed down and everyone was unusually quiet. Ashley looked at them curiously. They all knew something was going on, but none of them knew what.

_"I'M HOOOOOME!"_ Lexiss fell onto the leaves giggling. She sat up and looked at them with an alertness about her that almost made her appear serious. The only thing that prevented this appearance was her messed up hair with several leaves stuck in it. "Ash! How's everything down here?" Ashley grinned at her relentless energy.

"Not much. How'd they get you back down here?" Lexiss's grin grew and she giggled at the idea of them putting her in again.

"They didn't! I came back myself!" she climbed out of the leaves, laughing at their surprised faces. "But I got to talk to someone who might be able to help," she added. Almost everyone looked at her expectantly.

"Really?" a preppy-looking girl ran up and grabbed her shoulders "Who?"

"Legolas," there was an orchestra of sighs from the Legolas fangirls. Lexiss shrugged. "I suggested that we set up a settlement far enough away so we can't bother anyone—" a multitude of groans "—but close enough so that if we really needed them, we could reach them in fairly good time. There is one thing that I promised that I'm going to need _everyone's_ cooperation with, though!"

"What's that?" Ashley asked curiously. Several people nodded in agreement.

"I promised that I'd take care of the fangirls. That means that no fangirls are allowed to go anywhere _near_ Legolas or any other lust objects!" the cave was filled with the angry shouts from enraged fangirls. Lexiss jumped into the tunnel and gripped the wall several feet up and watched them as they tried (unsuccessfully, thank God) to reach her. "…help…?"

"GET BACK! GET BACK!" the stronger people began pulling them away. Lexiss began breathing again.

"Lexiss! Lexiss!" Sam ran up to her and jumped in an attempt to get her attention. She looked down and smiled.

"Hey there! What's up?" she jumped down so he could talk to her. He pulled her down to his height and began whispering in her ear. Her eyebrows went up. "Really?" he nodded. "Thanks, kid." She stood up and walked over to the edge of the Children. She grinned, took a deep breath and shouted: "ELF AT THE GATE!"

There was only one word that described what happened next: **_STAMPEDE!!!_** They were all running as fast as they could to see who was there, fangirls in the lead.

Indeed, there was an Elf standing there. When he saw the wave of Children rushing towards him, his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, his face paled.

"Yee…"* he whispered. Then he ran to the other side of the gate and shut it quickly. And just in time, because the Children in the front ran right into the gate. There was unstoppable shouting. All the Children were calling, talking, laughing, yelling…it must have been terrifying to him.

"Um…I'm looking for Lexiss!" he called out to them. There was a second of silence, and then several girls shouted at the same time: _"I'M LEXISS!"_

Lexiss (who happened to be in the back) sighed and pushed her way to the front. "_I'm_ Lexiss!" The girls began telling her how she was wrong, and how they were Lexiss, and blah, blah, blah…then she held up her bottle of Dexedrine. "Here you go, mister Elf-dude! Says my name on the bottle! See? Right there: Lexiss." He looked at the bottle, at her, and nodded. "Whatcha need?"

He looked at her up and down, sizing her up. "You don't appear to be very fast, nor do you look that influential." She glared at him.

"Ha, ha, ha. That's nice. Now tell me what you want." He raised an eyebrow curiously.

"I heard that there was a Child here who had managed to talk to Prince Legolas about setting the other Children free, but keeping them under control at the same time." Lexiss nodded.

"That's me!" she smiled a small, but very energetic smile. "It's amazing what you can accomplish if you have ADD, isn't it, Mr. Elf-dude!" he gave her a dirty look. "It's not an insult, it's just what I'm going to call you until I figure out your name…by the way, what _is_ your name?"

"I am called Beren," he replied. "Why do you want to know?" Lexiss shrugged.

"Just curious." She stood there for a few seconds, waiting to see if this Beren was going to leave. When he didn't do anything, she leaned against the wall and began muttering some strange song (i.e. City Hall, by Tenacious D).

After several minutes of silence, Lexiss started talking again. "Do you like chocolate? I like chocolate! Do you _have_ any chocolate?" He shook his head. "No? Oh, okay." She turned around and cupped her hands around her mouth. "**_DOES ANYONE IN HERE HAVE ANY CHOCOLATE???_**"

Everyone shook his or her head. Lexiss snapped her fingers and looked at Beren again.

"So! Are you the Elf that's supposed to be showing me where all the Pits are?" the Elf looked surprised.

"He granted you an escort to each of the pens?!" Lexiss nodded. "Why!??"

She sighed. "I talked to Legolas, and he said he'd see about letting us go on the conditions that no fangirls come anywhere near him, and that we aren't close enough so that we cause havoc. Now, I don't know about _you_, but I think that all the other kids have the right to know, don't you?" He nodded.

"Indeed, but they must be told when the time is _right_."

"And what better time than the present?" Lexiss argued. "I mean, by the time that 'time is right', it'll be the present again, so it makes absolutely no sense to put it off!" Some of the kids looked a bit confused. Beren looked confused too. Lexiss just grinned.

"Look," she said, "just let me out of here so I can tell the others. Legolas said that I could tell them!" Beren began to look a little uncomfortable; as if he knew something that Lexiss didn't. Her eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

"Legolas is headed with Gimli the Dwarf to the Grey Havens tonight," he confessed.

All fell silent. It was the stunned silence that there is when you know you've just been had. You could have heard a pin drop somewhere in that cave, and Beren was beginning to get a little bit frightened (and I don't blame him!).

"He's—he's going _where?_" Lexiss whispered dangerously. "Did you say he's going to the Grey Havens _tonight_?" There was a glint in her eye that made Beren all the more scared. Here was a child that would never stop for something that she was truly dedicated to. She would fight all adversaries…to the death, if necessary.

"Yes, I did," Beren replied, automatically wishing that he'd never said anything.

"When?" she asked in that soft voice.

"About midnight, I should assume," he said, becoming more nervous by the second.

Lexiss' hand shot through the bars and grabbed the front of his jerkin, pulling him forward.

"You get out of here and go see your prince." She said through gritted teeth. "Tell him that he lied to us, and we won't let him get away with this! We'll follow him to the ends of the earth if needed. He's _not_ going to get away unscathed! I PROMISE." She let him go and pushed him back.

The others swarmed to the bars and began reaching their hands out in hopes of catching him as he passed. But the Elf was too quick for them (thank his lucky stars), and moved out of their range. No one saw Lexiss pull out a dexy, and actually swallow it.

"Okay," she said, moving away from the crowds, "let's get out of here!"

~*~

"Sir?" Legolas looked up and saw Beren standing there, looking quite shaken. "I told them."

"Thank you, Beren." He smiled (every girl reading this: **sighs**). "You have done well."

"Are you sure this is wise?" he asked, picking up a nearby bottle of wine. "Why test their strength? What is the point of this? They have the numbers and the motive to kill us all!"

"No, Beren, this was not wise on my part," Legolas replied, looking his companion in the eye. "But I will take the fall for it. The Children may be a nuisance, but if they wish to be freed, they must have the motivation to keep going, and we will need to prove that they deserve to be freed."

"Sir, this will not bode well," Beren said, looking around nervously, half expecting a child to come out from behind the door and stab him to death.

"For whom? The Children, or the Free People?"

"Both." Legolas sighed and put his hand to his forehead.

"I am tired of having to take care of these problems, Beren. They are wearing me down. I have felt pity for them ever since I saw the first Child thrown down into those pits!"

"That first Child was a nuisance sent by Saruman," Beren reminded him, but Legolas just shook his head.

"No, Beren, that Child was innocent of all charges placed upon her. Her only crime was being sent here, and unintentionally provoking the peoples of Middle-earth." He looked out the window in the direction of the Pits. "It may not bode well for either of them but they should get the chance to be free."

~*~

Lexiss had gathered all the Children of Eighth Hell around the tunnel to outline her plan.

"Okay, first thing we got to do is get out of this place. We'll take the tunnel up, and then go off in small-ish groups to find the other Pits. You've already got your groups together. If you see any Elves, bash 'em over the head with a rock or with anything nearby that'll render 'em unconscious. Then throw them down here. They think it's justice being put down here? Wait 'til _they_ see what it's like!" Several of the Children grinned in anticipation.

"There are approximately twenty-one more pits," Ashley added. "They'll be scattered around in this general vicinity. Look for anything that seems slightly suspicious: a branch that's hanging from a tree at a crazy angle, a rock in a bird's nest…anything like that!"

"How do you know?" Lexiss asked.

"What, you think most of us have spent the whole time living in this one pit?" Lexiss grinned and looked back at the rest of the Children.

"The four that I've chosen to come with me will head for the castle and head off Legolam." Several of the Children chuckled at the _Bored of the Rings_ reference. "When we've got him, he's _mine_ to deal with, got it?"

They didn't seem too happy about it, but they nodded.

"Good." She looked down and saw Sam standing there looking up at her. "Hey, how many little kids are there?" she asked him.

"About thirty-five in here alone," a boy about twelve replied. Lexiss looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Thank you." She crouched down and called Sam over. "Do you think you could watch out for the others?" she asked him seriously. "I don't want any of you to get hurt, and I'm afraid that might happen if you go out there with us."

Sam nodded. "I can do that." Lexiss smiled and hugged him softly.

"Thanks, kid!"

"Sam."

"Thanks, Sam!"

~*~

It was quiet that evening. No one suspected that soon a stampede of angry Children was going to break loose and wreak havoc on their captors.

Slowly, Lexiss crawled out of the trunk. She pulled the top off and threw it away. She began helping pull the other Children out of the trunk, one at a time. Eventually, they were all out of the Pit and in their groups. She looked around and saw a sea of faces looking at her. She silently nodded and they spread out until only her group and the smallest Children were there. She knelt down next to Sam.

"Here's what I want you to do," she whispered to him. "I want you to take the others and find a safe place to hide, okay?" he nodded. "Great. We'll meet up with you by morning." She stood up and looked at her group. "Let's go!"

A/N: Yay! No more Writer's Block! I'm sorry to all those people who've been waiting for me to update. School's been getting in my way. I hope you like this chapter!

*Eep…


	4. Aren’t you glad she took the dexy now?

****

Chapter Four:_ Aren't you glad she took the dexy now?_

An Elf, whom was on the unlucky job of Pit guarding, was coming out to the Child Pits when he heard a voice behind him.

"Galdor," he looked back and saw a man walking up to him. "Where are you going?"

"It is my duty to guard the Children Pens tonight," he told the man. "Do you need something, Orrick?"

"Yes, I do. I need some support." The man leaned against a tree. "I seem to be the only person in all of Middle-earth who believes that these pens will never be the answer."

Galdor shook his head. "I cannot help you any more than become a bird and fly away. The Pens are the best solution at the present time."

"The best solution?" Orrick laughed. "You can hardly keep the Children in before they escape again! Those pens cause more of a nuisance than the Children themselves did!"

"I would rather continue returning them to the Pens than murder all the Children from the Other World," Galdor replied firmly.

"Murder?" Orrick stepped in the Elf's way. "Did you say murder? I never said a word about such a foul thing! I am speaking of ending the problem once and for all!"

"Through blood," he replied coldly. "Goodnight, Orrick." He roughly brushed past the man and continued on his way to the Children Pens. Orrick watched him walk into the dark and disappear. He never said a word, just looked off into the direction Galdor had gone. Finally, he walked back into the castle.

~*~

"Did you hear that?" a small Child climbed out of the tree and looked at his companion. "That guy wants to _kill_ us!" The other Child's face went pale.

"We have to warn the others," he whispered back. "He's going to be trouble…"

The two loped off in the direction of the Pits to find the rest of their group.

~*~

At that time (geez, that reminds me of Liturgy…), Lexiss and her group had made it to the borderline of the trees and were doing a rather excellent job of whacking any Elves who came too close on the head with rocks.

"Okay, let's take 'em back to the Pits," Lexiss grabbed the feet of one while another Child grabbed the arms. "Oof! _Heavy…_"

They dragged them all back to the Pits and tossed them in. Fortunately, most of them were just stunned, so they managed to move out of the way before more Elves fell on top of them.

"Hey guuys," Lexiss called down in a singsong voice, "we've got a visitor for you!" They immediately tossed the Elf down. He must have come to his senses on the way down, because about half way, he began shouting in Elvish. Lexiss watched his progress, a grin somewhere between evil and just really hyper. When he hit the leaves, she waved down to him.

"We'll be back with more of your buddies later, okay?" There was a multitude of cries from the now imprisoned Elves.

"Amin feuya ten' lle!*" one of them shouted up to her.

"Yeah, well, llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina!" one of the Children in her group shouted down at him. He looked at Lexiss and grinned.

"My sister's obsessed with the Elvish language."

"And that means…what?"

"'You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny'." Lexiss laughed.

"Good stuff! Let's use it on Elves at the castle!" She then began to jog back. They rolled their eyes and followed her.

~*~

Two Elves walked outside. One of them took in a deep breath of fresh air and looked at his companion.

"It is quiet tonight," he said. "Wonderfully quiet."

"Or too quiet." His companion looked around suspiciously. "I have a feeling that something is not right. Something involving the Children…"

"You got that right!" Two Children appeared out of nowhere (not really, they just didn't notice them) and whacked them over the head with heavy pieces of wood. The two Elves fell senseless to the ground.

"Hey!" one of the Children held up a coiled rope. "What a nice Elf! He was carrying rope so we wouldn't have to look for something to tie him up with!"

"Let's drag them to the nearest pit!" The two Children practically had them out of sight when some Elves came out.

"Mani naa tanya?**" One of the Elves pointed to the boots poking out from underneath a bush.

"Amin caela n'noa,***" another replied. Then the whole group of them hurried over to the boots and pulled them out. Imagine their surprise to see Elves lying there with big bumps on their heads!

"**_CHILDREN!!!!_**" An Elf jumped to his feet and began running towards the castle. "**_THE CHILDREN ARE LOOSE!!_**"

"Can you take him out from here?" one of the two Children hidden in the tree asked his friend. The other shook his head.

"Nope. Let's get the others down below us," he replied. The first one grinned and nodded.

Suddenly, and rain of heavy rocks began falling onto the Elves. They grabbed the unconscious Elves and made a run for the safety of the castle…except for one.

The Elf who stayed behind pulled out his bow, and the rain of rocks stopped. He lowered his bow, and it started again, but from two different places in the tree. He raised the bow, and the rocks stopped.

"Who are you, and why have you not run _away_ from us, as you normally do?" he called to the tree.

"WE'RE TIRED OF THE UNFAIRNESS!!" yet another volley of rocks was thrown.

"Stop throwing the rocks, and I shall not harm you," he tried. A rock bounced off the bow.

"Yeah, and then throw us back into those stupid pits! NO WAY!"

The Elf was about to say something else when he got the distinct feeling that there were more Children out there than he realized. He could practically see their eyes gleaming in the darkness, and hear their breathing. He looked behind and saw himself surrounded by Children.

"How—how did you escape?" he gasped. They all grinned. "Tell me! HOW??"

"How do you think?" a voice called from the shadows.

"I've been saying that we should have gotten rid of them," everyone looked up and saw a man standing above them. He was shaking his head and sighing. "Haven't I been saying this would happen?"

"GET HIM!" one of the Children yelled, pointing at the man. "HE WANTS TO KILL US ALL!"

"_WHAT?!_" a girl stepped out of the shadows and pushed her glasses up her nose with her free hand. In her other hand was a large piece of wood.

"I heard him! He wants to destroy us!"

_Ssssss…Thunk!_

They all watched the Child's eyes widen, then see the Child fall, an arrow in his side. They looked up and saw the man carried a crossbow.

"THERE THEY ARE!" they saw an army of Elves come rushing out of the castle. Immediately, the Children began throwing whatever they could get their hands on at the oncoming Elves.

The girl with the glasses ran up to the Elf who they had trapped and dragged him down to her level.

"Help us get them away, and we won't throw you into your own Pits!" He looked at her like she was insane.

Out of the forest came an army of Children…led by Lexiss. And she was singing!

__

We are brave though we be tiny,

We aren't tall, but very mighty!

Don't mess with us, we have the reason,

We'll be free before this season

ends!

No lying down and dying for us,

In the end, we'll be victorious!

The battle will be over and done,

But you won't win, we'll have won!

HOORAY FOR US, THE KIDS!!

HOORAY FOR US, THE KIDS!!

HOORAY FOR US, THE KIDS!!

****

HOORAY FOR US, THE KIDS!!!

Everything stopped and stared at her. She stared back…and grinned. She looked at her troops.

"Looks like we haven't missed the battle after all! LET'S GO!" The Children rushed past her, yelling at the top of their lungs. Finally, she ran with them, charging the Elves. She ran straight at the first Elf, and pulled off a move she couldn't have done at home. She managed to jump off the ground and thrust both her feet into the Elf's stomach, forcing him back several feet and onto the ground.

She looked at a few of the Children not fighting. She grinned and waved to them.

_"COME, MY FELLOW ESCAPEES! LEAVE NO ELF UNTHROWN!!"_

Ashley ran over to Lexiss as fast as she could. "LEXISS! WATCH OUT FOR THE GUY UP THERE!" Lexiss noted Orrick and them began beating upon an Elf who had grabbed her from behind. When he went limp, Lexiss looked and saw a boy about her size with a textbook.

"I KNEW THIS STUPID BOOK WOULD BE USEFUL SOMEDAY!!" He held it up in the air, and Lexiss could see it was for geometry.

"LET'S GIVE THE ELVES A LESSON IN GEOMETRY!" he shouted and rushed another Elf and whacked him in the face with the book. "EAT PROOFS!"

Lexiss laughed silently and then turned around and flew (not really _flew,_ flew, but more of ran flew…never mind) towards the Elves, fists flailing…when someone grabbed her from behind and ran off with her under his arm.

"So," she heard him say, "you are the cause of all this…no matter. I knew they would cause problems soon enough. 'Tis a pity no one would listen to me, isn't it?"

"LET ME GO AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" she shouted, wriggling like a giant worm. It didn't work. He tightened his grip around her.

"If I shoot you here, then I might hit an Elf, and that would truly be a tragedy."

"You jerk!" He sighed.

"Now I must kill you myself to prove my point." He threw her to the ground. She rolled several feet then jumped to hers. She got into a fighting stance and hoped fear wasn't stamped on her face (it was).

"How is killing children going to solve your problem?" she watched him load his crossbow.

"It will decrease the _amount_ of Children. Goodbye, Child." He aimed the crossbow.

"LEXIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!!!!!" a hoard of the little Children dog piled the man (whom we know to be Orrick).

"GET THE CROSSBOW! GET THE CROSSBOW!" the weapon came sailing out of the pile and shot a tree a few yards from Lexiss. She quickly grabbed it and jumped on it until it broke under her feet.

"THAT'S for trying to kill us!" she looked up from the remains of what had nearly been the instrument of her doom and saw—

"Sam?! I thought I told you and the others to keep _away_ from the battle!" the little boy looked up at her, eyes wide.

"You _did!_"

"So why aren't you safe?!"

"An Elf found us," he replied. Lexiss raised an eyebrow.

"An Elf? And you went with him?!" He nodded. "WHY?!"

"He said he knew you!" he cried. "He said he wanted to help you out, so we needed to come with him!"

"By any chance, you didn't catch his name, did you?" he shook his head. "Drat!" She walked over to the small Children who now surrounded the very nervous, very afraid man known as Orrick.

"How could Children so small be able do this…? He whispered. He looked up and found Lexiss glaring down at him. "How?"

"You'd kill us all if you had the chance…" Lexiss growled. "Why shouldn't we kill you?"

"Don't sink down to his level, Lexiss." She looked over and saw Ashley (a very…odd-looking Ashley) standing there. She walked over and kicked him. "It's not worth it."

"Well, we can't leave him like this, he might try to kill us again!" Ashley raised an eyebrow.

"Look how smart the youngest of us are!" Lexiss looked and saw them tying him up…tightly.

"Okay, we can leave him here, or take him to the Pits, or we can take him to the Elves and say that he tried to kill us!"

"They know," Ashley whispered. "He already got someone…" she glared at him. "I hope whatever they do to you is painful!"

"Well spoken," Beren walked over. His tunic was ripped and hanging off his shoulder. He had a black eye and his nose was bloody. "He did already kill an innocent Child, and he shall be severely punished for it."

"YOU!" Lexiss jumped at him. "YOU STARTED ALL THIS!!" Ashley began trying to pry her friend off the terrified Elf.

"NO! I DIDN'T!" he managed to pull himself away, but his tunic was ripped even further in the process. "It wasn't my idea, Lexiss!"

"If it wasn't yours THEN WHOSE IDEA WAS IT?!?!" Then something clicked in her brain. Legolas promised to talk about freeing them. Then Beren comes and says he's leaving Middle-earth forever. She sends him back to Legolas with her message of pure revenge. They escape, and now a good deal of the Elves are in the Pits.

LEGOLAS.

Beren nodded as if he knew what she was thinking.

"Where is he?" she demanded. Sam pulled at her hand. When she looked down, he pointed up. When she looked up, there he was.

"Speak of the Elf!" she shouted. He came down and nodded to Ashley, and then to Lexiss.

"Nae saian luume'****, Lexiss," he said. He was greeted by his shirt being grabbed, and Lexiss pulling him down to her size.

"Ohhh…I should KILL you! How could you just PISS me off that much and then expect me to turn around and thank you?!" He calmly loosened her grasp on his shirt and eventually was able to pull her hands off.

"Because this is how we show the Free Peoples that you and the Children are capable of defending themselves, ingenious, and tenacious. This was the easiest way to convince them that you shouldn't be kept there. They believe us now! The Children of the Other World are free!"

"…oh…"

A/N: Yes, this is a shorter chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, because I enjoyed writing it! If you have any suggestions or questions, don't be afraid to ask me! JUST PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME!! ^_^ And don't forget to R&R!

Amin feuya ten' lle! = You disgust me!*

Mani naa tanya? = What is that?**

Amin caela n'noa = I have no idea***

Nae saian luume' = It has been too long***


	5. Are We Going Yet?

****

Chapter Five: _Are we going yet?_

It was bitterly cold. The wind blew fiercely, trying to force them back. The snow swirled around, blinding them. The Fellowship trudged through the chest-deep snow, stubbornly refusing to give into the elements. The only person who seemed even slightly unaffected was the Elf, Legolas.

He stopped suddenly and looked up, as if he has heard something.

He did.

Just then, someone fell out of the sky, screaming at the top of their lungs and landing into the snow with a _flump!_ They had left a person-sized hole in the snow.

"Who…?" Frodo stared puzzled, at the hole.

The group heard odd laughter.

"_HA, HA! LEXISS, YOU ARE DOOMED TO…WHEREVER IT IS I SENT YOU! MWAHAHAHA**HA!!**_"

"Middle-earth," the person in the snow muttered.

Gandalf hauled the person (Lexiss, evidently) out of the hole, so they could get a good look at her, for a girl she was. The sleeves to her large, baggy black shirt were pulled up to her elbows but folded over to her forearms. Her pants were dark blue, and slightly damp. Her eyes were wide as she saw each member of the Fellowship. She was shaking her head in disbelief.

"She _wouldn't!_" she cried, not believing her own words.

"Who wouldn't do what?" Aragorn asked.

"She would."

Boromir shook his head. "_Who?_" He demanded. The girl back away from the group only to be stopped by a snow wall.

"SAM!" she shouted to the sky. "Please tell me you didn't put me in what I think I'm in!"

"_YOU FOOL! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RUINED MY PLANS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! _NO, WAIT…WRONG STORY_…ANYWAY, GO RUN MERRILY ALONG WITH YOUR NEW FRIENDS, SO I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER TO SAY!_"

"I can't believe the 'Amazing Pillow-cushion Girl' would do something this pathetic," another voice said. "That's it! I'm getting out of this story, Sam. You're on your own, Lexiss."

"No!" Lexiss shouted. "Wait! Cyd! COME BACK!!!"

A black rose fell at her feet. She glared at it.

"Dammit, Cyd…" she mumbled.

"_HA! HA! YOU, MY CHILD, ARE MY GUINEA…_PERSON_!_" Sam screamed with laughter.

Lexiss blinked. "Your CHILD?!" she repeated and then wrapped her arms around herself. "And do you realize how COLD IT IS HERE?!"

"_YEAH,_" Sam replied simply. "_BYE NOW!_" You could practically see the evil grin on her face.

Lexiss screamed.

Nothing. She was gone.

"Sheist." She looked at the Fellowship. "Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do!" she walked over to Legolas. "Hand be an arrow, will you?"

"Why do you need one?" he asked, totally confused.

A hyper look came to her face. "I want to—SAM!" the look was replaced by one of mild annoyance. "I can say my OWN lines, THANK you!"

Lexiss suddenly grinned and giggled. "No, I can't!" she growled and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I can!"

"No, I'm going to let Sam write my lines!"

"Like hell I am! Where's the action? I can't live on romance alone!" Lexiss' face dropped.

The Fellowship, at seeing this…extremely odd girl…argue with herself, began slowly backing away. Lexiss' head snapped over in their direction.

"WAIT!" she ran up and kissed Legolas. Once he had pried her off, her eyes widened. "Oh my GOD!" she dropped to her knees and began shoveling snow into her mouth as fast as she could. She spat it out and looked at the Elf desperately.

"If I EVER try to do that again, SHOOT ME ON THE SPOT!"

For this, he needed no encouragement.

All nine men (and one horse) were now thoroughly and utterly confused about what to do with this rather demented girl. So they went a little ways away to talk about it.

"I think we should kill her," Legolas said as he shoved some snow into his mouth. "She obviously does not wish to be here, so we would be doing her a favor!"

Gandalf shook his head. "She may have a part to play—"

"And I'm Kermit the Frog!" Lexiss shouted over. The Fellowship jumped slightly. None of them had expected her to be able to hear them!

Boromir looked at Lexiss warily. She had begun building a snow Elf, destroying it, and then rebuilding it, and arguing with herself the whole time. "What if we left her here?" he suggested. Lexiss looked up. Legolas looked hopeful. Aragorn shook his head.

"She is not here of her own will, and seems to be controlled by this…Sam."

"You DO realize that you wouldn't be saying that if you were yourself, right?" They jumped. NOW, Lexiss was standing right next to them! How did she DO that?!

Lexiss giggled at their surprise, and clung to Legolas around the middle. His eyes widened in fright. "HELP ME!" He cried, struggling to get away. "HELP! HELP! HELP!" She clung tenaciously, refusing to let go. Then, her expression changed from that of delight to one of anger.

"Sam, this isn't funny!"

"_YES, IT IS!_"

Legolas stopped struggling and gave her yet another strange look.

Lexiss looked at the others. "Get me off, tie me up, get me as far as Moria, and I'll explain everything," she promised solemnly. "QUICK! Before Sam writes my next move!"

Everyone sprang into action. Gimli and Boromir pulled at Keeran while Aragorn and Gandalf pulled at Legolas.

Inside Legolas's head Sam's voice boomed.

"_LEGOLAAAAAS, SLAP GIMLI'S ASS! YOU **KNOW** YOU WANT TO! DON'T YOU JUST FIND SHORT, HAIRY MEN SEXY?_"

The poor Elf looked horrified. "No! Never!"

Everything stopped, and everyone looked at him. He was beginning to sweat…profusely…and his eye was starting to twitch.

"What is the matter, Elf?" Gimli asked, looking like he'd rather not know.

Lexiss sighed. "At least she's stopped writing me out of character for now!"

"_OH, COME NOW, LEGO-BOY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! LEXISS KISSED YOU BECAUSE I **TOLD** HER SHE WANTED TO NOW YOU DO AS I TELL YOU, ELF, OR I MIGHT MAKE YOU EAT…**YELLOW SNOW!**_" Sam gave an evil laugh as she watched Legolas's face.

His eye twitched…a lot. He fell to the ground (sort of, since they're on Caradhas during a blizzard) and began screaming as he clutched his head as if it were something evil that must be destroyed.

Just then, Pippin ran up and kicked the poor, tortured Elf in the stomach.

"There! Now you have something to scream about!" Pippin said with a grin…before falling down into a snowdrift and clutching his head as well.

Lexiss sighed.

All of a sudden, Gimli walked up to Lexiss and winked. She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, half-thoroughly freaked out and half-annoyed.

Then she giggled flirtatiously.

"**_NO!_**" Lexiss jumped up and looked around wildly. "NONONONONONONO!! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! LEGOLAS IS STRAIGHT! GIMLI ISN'T THAT FREAKY! **_PIPPIN WOULD NEVER DO THAT!_**" As she was clutching her head, she backed up into a tree.

She wasn't on Caradhas; she was in Mirkwood.

That's when Lexiss realized that was a dream. She looked around, feeling a bit saner, and saw everyone within a twenty foot radius looking at her as if she'd sprouted a second and third head and fairy wings. She grinned, very well aware that her face had turned a bright shade red.

She laughed nervously and waved. "Just a dream, guys! Ignore me for a little while!" She groaned slightly and walked away.

"What was that she was screaming?" a boy whispered. His friend shrugged. "Didn't she say something about Legolas being straight?" His friend nodded.

"Yep."

"Do you think she read slash fics?"

"Uh, huh."

"Think she's totally lost it?"

"Go to sleep already!"

~*~

"Are you telling me that a Child actually took the initiative to approach you, the Elves, and insist you free all the Children?" The messenger looked at Legolas incredulously. He nodded impatiently.

"Yes, yes, that is correct. I want you to tell the king of Gondor of this news. Also, they are not to be harmed The Child I talked to promised to take care of the 'fangirls'."

"And you are sure you can trust this Child?" The Elf didn't reply. He heard someone. They were coming closer and muttering something slightly…odd.

"_9's a number that is fun, not a 0, next to a 1: Never shalt thou count thee 10 there were 9, they all were men. 9 is the number, 9 is the number, 9 is the number, Lord Elrond tells me so._"

Lexiss came walking past. She looked over, smiled, waved and continued on her way, muttering, "Thou shalt honor Tolkien's name by spelling his name right. Thou shalt not bow to Toey—then something about enlightenment and 'spell check'…"

The Elf sighed and nodded. "I know this is the strangest thing I shall ever say, but yes. The Child is trustworthy." The messenger watched the girl walk off, obviously thinking she was crazy. Legolas looked at him. "And that was the Child."

Now the messenger _knew_ she was crazy.

~*~

Saruman paced his bubble. He didn't have very far to go, considering that the bubble was only about the size of Lexiss's head—something that has made him consider killing Andy for writing that in. Andy's just been pointing her finger and laughing from a safe distance ever since. Bad Saruman. He tried to take over the Shire. Bad!

"How am I still stuck here?" he demanded to himself. He looked at his reflection, frustration very clear in his eyes. His reflection shrugged its shoulders.

"Perhaps the children you give the message to don't like you," his reflection suggested. "And you should probably get some sleep," he added. "The dark circles under your eyes aren't very distracting from the crazy glint that has been growing in your eyes." Saruman shook his head at his reflection.

"I am _not_ losing my mind!" He began singing the Oscar Mayer bologna jingle under his breath. "My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R, my bologna has a second name it's M-A-Y-E-R—"

"Then why are you singing a jingle from Earth?" His reflection folded his arms across his chest. "If you were truly in your right mind, then you would not be singing such…terrible songs!"

"They are catchy," Saruman replied coolly, "that is all." His reflection grinned.

"If you were in your right mind, you wouldn't be arguing with me, now would you?" It laughed. "Heh, heh, heh!"

"LOOK!" Saruman looked up and saw a child standing nearby, pointing directly at him. "It's Saruman!"

He smiled. "At last, someone has come to recognize me for the great wizard that I am!"

"It's the freak with the weird voice from Lord of the Rings!" Saruman's face fell. The child was quickly joined by another. This new child pointed to the bubble Saruman was in and grinned wildly. He looked at his friend and back at the slightly mad wizard stuck in a bubble about the size of a head.

"Say, Saruman?" he called. "Why are you in a bubble?"

Now, Saruman didn't really know to begin with. The last thing he remembered was laughing, kicking that little snot Wormtongue and feeling something heavy—well, _sort of_ heavy—latch onto his back. After that, well, it was a blur, and then he found himself in the bubble. It was very confusing, to say the least.

The first child looked closely. "You're drooling."

Saruman closed his mouth and smoothed down the front of his robes. Nope, no drool! He sighed.

"Must you _all_ do that?" he asked, slightly annoyed. Both children raised their eyebrows in surprise. The second one blinked.

"You mean—you mean we're not the first?" He snapped his fingers. "I _knew_ it! I _knew_ we should have checked earlier!" Saruman looked confused. The first one sighed and looked at Saruman.

"Okay, since you're real, then your staff is real, right?" Saruman nodded.

"Yes, that would be true. Why?" he asked, suddenly suspicious. The child shrugged.

"We want it."

"We could fix it!" the second one added. The first nodded in agreement.

"Yeah! We could use duct tape!"

"Duck Tape? What on earth are you two talking about?" Saruman demanded. If his head could be turned into some kind of symbol like they do in Loony Tunes, then his head would be a big question mark (not that it can do that in the first place, but it's fun to imagine!)!

The two children (okay, boys) grinned and turned back to Saruman.

"We…want…your…old…staff," the second boy said slowly. "I don't think you need it in your bubble."

"Well," Saruman started when the thought came to him: If they wanted the staff so badly, then he could actually make some sort of bargain with them! "I don't have it."

The first boy nodded impatiently. "Yeah, we _know_ that! We're not complete idiots!" Saruman raised his hands as if in silent apology.

"I do not have it," he repeated, "_but_ I know where it is. I will show you where it is if you will let me out." The boys glanced at each other and didn't say anything. "I have been waiting so long for someone as ambitious as you two to come and help me!" Saruman wheedled convincingly.

They turned their backs to Saruman and began talking. Occasionally, one of them would glance over their shoulder at the wizard that was trapped in a head-sized bubble. Saruman tried to look kindly and patient. While he waited, he began to wonder what Duck Tape was.

Finally, they turned back to Mr. Formerly-The-White-Now-Of-Many-Colors, nodded to the other and put their hands behind their backs, almost as if they were 'at ease'.

"We've decided," the second boy said, "that you're Saruman of Many Colors." The first boy nodded and murmured something sounding like "yep, he's Saruman." The trapped wizard nodded. "Therefore, you tend to manipulate people with your weird voice."

"That is, until Gandalf broke your staff," the first added.

Saruman blinked. "And what exactly are you intending to do with my staff?"

"Nothing much…we just never see you doing anything with your staff—"

"—Except in the movie with that fight scene between you and Gandalf!"

"—So we were wondering if there was really any magic in it," the boy finished. He grinned. "We'd take care of it—!"

"Oh, yes we would!" his friend agreed, nodding excitedly. "We'd tape it back together, we'd polish it, we'd display it on his wall—actually, that's the only thing he's missing from his LotR-style room—"

"HEY!"

Saruman grinned…and it looked creepy. Saruman grinning_…creepy…_Saruman shouldn't grin. Especially if he hasn't been sleeping lately. Then he just looks scary. Anyway, the two boys noticed the grin and began to back away _slowly_.

"Wait!" the wizard with the manipulative voice called after them. They began running. Then they disappeared. "NO!" Saruman pounded his hands against the interior of the bubble…and it popped.

Andy cried as her precious head-sized bubble popped, releasing its contents out onto the world…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: HAHA! I LIVE! I bet you thought I wasn't coming back, didn't you? WELL, YOU'RE WRONG! YAY! I'm sorry for the delay…Writer's Block, and then school started. Bad school. Now onto…THANK YOUS!!! ^____^

****

Kai: Yes, I do believe that Lexiss may have ADHD. They're very similar, so I just put down ADD.

****

Andray: Yes…stupid Orrick!

****

Asylum: Heh, yep, I can see what you mean about there not being a difference…I'll work on that. And thanks for telling me about _Uric the Oddball_! *HUG*

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The Voices: *takes a bow* I'll read your fics! ^__^

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Princess Flame: Wow…thanks! ^___^ I guess it _could_ be used in Capture the Flag! Thanks for the suggestion! *evil grin*

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Lily: AAAAH! I have made someone hyper! I reached my goal! YAAY! *throws Cheese Nips confetti in the air* 


	6. PS

**__**

PS

I do not own the Fellowship Jingle or the Ten Tolkien Truths. They belong to Camilla Sandman, author of _The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth_. I apologize for the lack of disclaimer in the fifth chapter, and giving it to you as you…read. ^_^;; 

Ta!

Andreah


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